Part 5: How It Really Feels To Have A Pregnancy Not Go To Plan

It’s been a while since I last wrote and that is mainly because it was all a little bit too painful to do. The not knowing is a horrible place to be. Let’s start from where we left off.
Head over to the start of the story here.

IMG_4576At 7 weeks pregnant I was starting to feel the early signs of pregnancy; all the crap parts. My morning sickness went from bad to worse and got to a point where I couldn’t eat anything because it was morning, noon and night. I struggled to even enter the kitchen, and the smell of anything (except cake) was enough to turn me green. Luckily this subsided by week 14 just as I was starting to think I was going to do a Kate Middleton and go on chundering for the duration of my pregnancy.

No sooner had the morning sickness finished, the bleeding started. I was told to contact my midwife immediately for an appointment and saw her within the hour. She seemed happy with the progress, but on hearing my symptoms, her face turned to a look, you would give a puppy in RSPCA.

She splurged the jelly on my belly and rammed that phallic object into my pelvis, moving it around looking hopeful. Then frowning and looking more confident. And then looking less optimistic. Pursing her lips, she said she was struggling to find a heartbeat but not to worry as her ultrasound equipment isn’t as efficient as those at the hospital.

Ok. Yes. I won’t worry at all, everything’s fine, and it’s just your shit equipment. WTF!

She called the hospital immediately as I had also been suffering from back pain for a few weeks and was told I could get an appointment in 4 days. 92 hours to be exact. I was told to see if any of my pregnancy symptoms faded, and that was that. Take it easy.

“Just keep telling yourself that if they were that concerned, they would be rushing you in…” is all I could think.

I’m not entirely sure what we genuinely thought could happen as I just tried not to think about it and Beard just tried not to come across upset. However, one thing we did do, which some may consider unorthodox, is we told the kids that there may be a problem. We didn’t sugar coat any information, but equally, we didn’t give too much away – together we had cuddles as a family, and when Daddy was snappy, the boys knew he was sad, and when Mummy was tired, the boys gave me a break – it was the best thing we could have done.

I went for the scan and saw my usual comforting lady who is always very upfront and honest – as I have always requested her to be, and today she simply said “although it’s always lovely to see you. I don’t want to see you today. I don’t have anything to say right now. Let’s find out what’s going on”, and she squeezed my hand. You know in that way that Abilene does in the film, The Help. It instantly made me want to hug her and tell her I love her, but I didn’t. That would have been weird. Instead, I said I had wind and apologised in advance for any inadvertent trumpet chorus as I laid down. It broke the ice, and at least it stopped me from crying.

It took approximately 2.4 seconds to find a heartbeat and maybe a few more to see a big, bold beating heart on the screen, and my goodness did I trump! The relief of seeing that little wibbly shadow on a screen and hearing the sound of galloping ponies was too much for my gut, and off she blew. My sonographer was lovely though, she simply backed off and asked me to inform her when she could approach again. God, I love this woman.

So it turns out the bleeding could be due to the Merina Coil embedding into my womb. However, it hasn’t been seen on the scan so who knows. All we do know is that after the birth, I may need a few tests. I’ll put a note in the diary and look forward to it after evicting a tenant via my vagina.

There are obviously things you are very aware of when you become pregnant – they are self-explanatory – however when you are in a routine BEFORE becoming pregnant, with no intention of trying to become pregnant, what happens then? Well, I’ll tell you, you freak out and need an emergency scan 🙁 again. In the space of just a few weeks, my nerves are shot to pieces!!!

I didn’t. I suffer badly from hay fever and take one tablet every day from mid-April to the end of September. If I don’t, I look like a demented toad with bulging bloodshot eyes.
As it’s a force of habit; breakfast, orange juice, unload the dishwasher, hay fever tablet. As a result, it didn’t even cross my mind to stop once I found out I was pregnant. As soon as I realised, I contacted my midwife who made an appointment for me that morning and then sent me for a scan that very afternoon. The fear was that the medication I had been taking for the past 2 months hadn’t been tested on pregnant women thoroughly. Therefore, the research wasn’t complete, and there was a chance it could cause deformities very similar to Thalidomide.
The midwife told me not to worry unless I had experienced any spotting.
I had, but I wasn’t overly concerned as it was pink, not red, but now I was worried again; she did that nervous smile and scribbled Latin notes.

The morning seemed to take forever while waiting for the appointment and the hospital running late didn’t add any ease to my impatient finger tapping on an OK magazine from April 2007.

The Consultant I saw, still not my normal lady, was sweet, but it wasn’t the same. Despite my apprehension, she did all the necessary checks and said, “all looks well. Let’s wait and see.” Pardon?
So the long and short of it was, that they aren’t sure if me taking the tablets have had any adverse effects and there isn’t actually any way of accurately finding out but ‘so far, so good.’ What the fajita in Jupiter does that mean?! Apparently, when it comes to antihistamine, the jury is out. Consequently, some doctors believe it does pose problems to the health of an unborn baby, yet others do not.

And let me tell you, googling it doesn’t make the situation ANY better. We decided to make an appointment for a private scan, and I would personally like to not only thank, but publicly praise Ultra-Sound Direct – the service was fantastic, the results amazing and the price, unbelievable! The original plan before being concerned about the little spud was to have a gender scan, so we coincided it with their assurance scan as well. My two children and my husband all came into the room, and the sonographer diplomatically did all the checks without making it obvious there could be a problem. She looked at me, nodded, stroked my hand and mouthed “everything is fine” before announcing “So, Mum, Dad, boys, you have a little brother on his way just in time for Christmas!”


At 17 weeks, I am already feeling the size of a whale. There will be no more jeans and possibly no more wearing leggings in the very, very, very near future. Bring me an elasticated waistband and I will smile from ear to ear.

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